i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
