i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
