ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
