out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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