she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
