i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
