I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
