you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
