I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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