drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
