i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish I only lived at night.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
