I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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