i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
