Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
