I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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