Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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