How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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