How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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