He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
