Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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