so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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