this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
