Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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