the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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