you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
