i think i have herpe
just one?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
