mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
