Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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