you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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