I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
party gras won. party gras always wins.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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