The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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