so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
