i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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