Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
