I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
