I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
