I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
