mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
