The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
