My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
