sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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