And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
