idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We have started to decorate penises.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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