now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
