i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
