the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
