The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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