What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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