When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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