do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
