i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
