I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
