turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
