the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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