i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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