apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
