Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
