i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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