Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
