ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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