My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
